I CANNOT WITH THE HAVES & HAVE NOTS

I want to preface this blog by saying that I am proud of Tyler Perry’s success…no tea, no shade.  I truly am proud.  My critiques of his movies, plays, and television shows come from a place of love.  With that being said, Tea Spillers, let’s get into Mr. Perry’s latest debacle.

For those who did not see it, here’s a quick summary.  Ain’t nobody got time to be finding out the actor’s real names and/or character names so bare with me here:  Set in Savannah, Georgia (by the way NO ONE has a southern accent) The Haves and The Have Nots follows two separate families who lives are intertwined.

 On one side we have the The Haves: The Cryer Family…a white, wealthy, family who apparently is the toast of the town and is working with old–passed down money.  We have Daddy Cryer, a judge who has a thing for prostitutes and although it wasn’t mentioned in the first two episodes, I’m quite sure he has done some other dirt as well.  He’s also gearing up to run to be the next Governor of Georgia…good luck with that.  Then there’s Mama Cryer, who is in a loveless relationship with Daddy Cryer.  On the outside she is a strong, charismatic, social-lite…but, on the inside she knows her marriage is just for show and her children are seriously disturbed…border line demon seeds.  Speaking of which, we have Son Cryer who has a severe drug and alcohol problem and was forced to go to a rehab facility that is owned and operated by a close family friend of The Cryers.  Now, follow me here, the close family friend who owns the rehab facility is a boogey stuck-up sista, who’s character will unfold (I’m quite sure of it) in later episodes.  Boogey lady’s son is Son Cryer’s sponsor…so wherever Son Cryer goes, he has to go, even if it’s to the bathroom.  Oh and by the way, Son Cryer’s sponsor is also gay and has a thing for him.  Moving on to Daughter Cryer…she is unsure of herself, ditzy, she doesn’t come off as a bad – rebellious child she just got some mental and emotional stuff going on that makes her cut herself.  She’s in law school which is how she meets one of the Have Nots….

 

Meet Trouble

The Have Nots is led by Molly the Maid.  Apparently she has been in this business for quite some time and whatever happened at her previous job, she doesn’t want to talk about.  So Molly the Maid has two children…a REAL GROWN son who still lives with her who is all excited over the fact that he was able to buy a tow truck, but he’s not that important…well, not now at least.  The real star of this whole thing is Molly the Maid’s daughter, for now we’ll just call her Trouble.  Trouble, is a mess for no reason.   Molly the Maid hinted at the fact that in the past Trouble ran with the wrong crowd and was into some real shady stuff.  Now Trouble is in law school, which is how she meets Daughter Cryer, and she is apparently paying her way by prostituting herself…which is how she meets Daddy Cryer with his nasty self!  So, everything comes to a head at Daddy Cryer’s 50th Birthday Party…Daughter Cryer invites Trouble, Trouble doesn’t know her Mama is the Cryer’s maid, Molly the Maid doesn’t know that Trouble is even in law school, Daddy Cryer is just trying to keep his composure.  Trouble sees this as an opportunity to black mail Daddy Cryer and that’s basically it…

 At this point, whenever I see something that has the TP stamp on it, I feel like I’m in a very bad game show called, “Guess that Twist”.  Unless you have been living under a rock and never had interactions with another human being before in your life, you can pretty much  predict the twists and turns.  At least when Shonda Rhimes does it, it is quick, thought provoking, and unexpected…When Tyler Perry tries to do it, it insults our intelligence.  As I was watching “The Haves and the Have Nots”, right from the beginning I felt as if I was watching a Telenovela…a Spanish speaking soap opera that is HUGE in Latin America.  For some reason, I used to watch the Latin based networks Telemundo and Univision and even though I had no idea what they were saying, I ended up getting hooked onto the Telenovelas.  It was so bad that it was hilarious.  Over the top acting, men dressing like women, women poisoning their husbands, the whole sha-bang!  The set design, the way the actors interact with one another, the way the show is filmed and edited has Telenovela written all up and through it.  The ONLY thing that is missing, which was pointed out by our fellow Tea Spiller Kristin Moore, is someone going HAM on the organ.  

At first, I thought wow I’m not alone Tyler Perry is a fan of Telenovelas just like me!!  Sadly, however,  as I watched further I quickly discovered that this was no homage…this was INTENTIONAL!  To take it a step further, in taking a poll of all of TP productions, I don’t think  he has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to films and/or television history.  I could be wrong, but it seems to me that if you take away the live audience…throw in a set…you have a TP play that is being sold to us as a film or in this case a television show.  During Michael Jackson’s memorial, Barry Gordy said that “Michael studied the greats and became greater…”  Who is Tyler Perry studying?  Cicely Tyson?  Studying her can help in acting, but it sure won’t help in making a film.  Someone should ask him who he looks up to when it comes to directing/producing.  I would be very interested to know the answer to this.  The dialogue and chemistry with the actors was like the worse.  It didn’t have a natural flow.  I don’t know about you, but whenever I talk with my family and friends I don’t take dramatic pauses.  But, even in my harsh critique, it was not that bad….it’s tolerable.  I am actually interested in how Trouble is going to get herself out of trouble and I’ve buckled my seat belt for the inevitable twists and turns along the way.  Will I tune in again?  Yes, I just hope I remember.

Besties before testes

I wonder what Oprah’s initial thought process was when she decided to start her OWN network?  Since I don’t have the privilege of talking to her, my best guess would be that she wanted a network centered around helping people, help themselves find their path in life.  Which, within itself, is a huge risk especially when ratings show that we thoroughly enjoy watching folks run across tables like monkeys fighting and throwing things at one another.  How did a woman who connected with us for over 20 years on her show find herself disconnected from the same core group?  I do realize that running a network is a totally different than having one show to concentrate on, but I still can’t help but to wonder why it’s just not resonating with us?  To add insult to injury throw in not one, but TWO scripted shows written, directed, and produced by Tyler Perry….who does not have a history in giving us quality work.  By the way, I did not bother to watch the other show.  I just…I just can’t.

Now, sip on that…

Joi

MAKES ME WANNA HOLLA AND THROW UP BOTH MY HANDS!!!

The books tell us one thing…

Steve done messed us up!

 “Act Like A Lady – Think Like A Man”….”Rules of the Game”….”How to Effortlessly Attract the Woman You Want”…”Not Your Mother’s Rules: The New Secrets for Dating”….”All The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right”

Our Family and Friends tells us another…

Girl, he is trouble!

“Girl, you better make sure he love Jesus and go to church!!”….”NO romance without Finance”…”Is she crazy”??!!…”He got HOW MANY kids??!!”…”Make sure he opens the door for you”….”When you LEAST expect it that special someone will come along”….”If all she want to do is cuddle, she’s a tease”….”If he eat ribs after 7, get rid of him!”

There is a WHOLE lot of mumbo jumbo, in between craziness, that makes the classic boy meet girl scenario almost null and void, which begs the question…WHAT JUST HAPPENED??!!!

Whenever I have the opportunity to speak with older generations about love and how they met their significant other, one thing I have found to be interesting is that they didn’t need a book or unsolicited advice from family and friends.  Natural chemistry and a passion for building a family was basically all they had.  So, what happened?  When did we become so out of sync with one another that we are no longer making the love connections that we seek?  I have read a boat load of dating books and I don’t know about you, but I always come away with the feeling of “Well…duh!”  The “advice” that I read was common sense.  Common sense has been marketed in such a way that we are tricked into believe that this way of thinking is revolutionary, when in actuality it’s just affirming what we already know, but don’t put into practice.    Let me be clear, I’m not knocking anybody’s hustle, if a book has resonated with the masses then obviously it was needed.  However, instead of relying on a step by step guide to do …X,Y, & Z in dating, let’s rely on that sixth sense that the good Lord has given to us all…this will be a later blog by the way, let me hold my mule and digress…

  Love…the most purest of emotions has been polluted over time.  Look at what we see on TV, for example…ESPECIALLY in Reality Shows (Don’t get it twisted, I live for Reality TV…don’t judge me, you don’t know my life).  We see the most dysfunctional relationships ever in the history of dysfunction…women snottin’ and crying over a man who repeatedly cheats…men unashamed of the fact that women are disposable to them….immense jealousy coming from both sexes…women using their “cookie” to get money or reach a certain height of success, basically being a prostitute.  If we were to teleport, hmmm let’s say 50 years ago, what would the image of love look like?  Immediately I think of June Cleaver baking cookies ( no pun intended) and Ward coming home from a hard day of work and they just go about their day enjoying each other’s company.  No games…just love.

WHEN SEX BECAME EASIER TO GET – – LOVE BECAME HARDER TO FIND…

Maybe Oaktown’s 3-5-7 was on  to something when they eloquently stated that, “Ju-SAAAYYY got ’em craze-ZAY!”  As our morals loosened, love became an after thought while temporary pleasure became the only thought.  Plain and simple, we are a hot heated on fi-yah MESS!!!  It truly makes me wanna holla and throw up both my hands, but I remain calm, for I know there is light at the end of this super weird tunnel.

 So, let’s recap: In my most humble opinion, dating advice books are like the worse.  Is there an exception to this?  Absolutely, making broad generalizations is just apart of my messiness.

If only dating was like a Tyler Perry movie, we wouldn’t even need dating advice books…I would be the “Fed up with love because I’ve been hurt so many times and now I’m bitter and mean, but underneath it all I just want a man who sees my virtue” and then I would meet the “Blue collar worker guy who has a heart of gold who only wants to love me and go to church who also says these long romantic soliloquys  that NO man could ever think of on the spot”.  Then we would get married and have people, in Angel costumes, dangling from the ceiling as we exchange vows.

Now, sip on that….

Joi

HAPPY MEMORIES

Quite often I find myself in a reminiscent state of mind.  It’s fun to revert back to a time in which responsibilities were null and void…a time in which Christmas meant waking up in the wee hours of the morning…a time in which your Parents would yell for you to come upstairs, only for you to be their human remote control….a time in which R.J. Watkins was putting people “in the mix” on the “New Dance Show”(only native Detroiters will understand)…a time in which Jem was truly outrageous….a time in which it was exciting to know that Adam, who later became He-Man, found out he had a long lost twin sister named Adora, and she became She-ra (As a little Tea Pot, that was some SERIOUS drama for me)…no need beating a dead horse, at this point I’m sure you understand.

The power to remember is a gift from God.  How we use that power is simply up to us.  Although, there are some memories that we would like to forget, our focus today is to think about the moments that brought us the most joy with our loved ones who have passed on.

I get it…You don’t want to hear another cliché about how to overcome after a loved one has passed.  After losing both my Parents, I could probably write a book on all the things that was said to me.  I’m not trying to downplay the efforts of  family and friends who are swift to lend an encouraging word, but in the heat of the moment, those words sounds like Charlie Brown’s Mother, “Womp, womp, womp, womp…”  Although, it took a long time to get to the point where I can easily revert back to a happy moment I shared with my Parents, the fact that I made it is nothing short of a miracle.  I will never be 100% ok with the fact that they are no longer here, but I have a plethora of memories that can never be taken away.  For a minute, please allow me to share how I got to this place in my life.

Picture it…The day before Mother’s Day 2010…at this time it has been 4 years since my Mother passed and I was missing her terribly, to the point where I didn’t want to get out of bed.  Despite my best efforts to feel sorry for myself, I somehow thought it was a good idea to go to the mall.  Remember, I said it was the DAY BEFORE Mother’s Day, so you know the mall was in full Mother’s Day décor overload.  So, I’m in Macy’s moping around and on the verge of tears when out of nowhere I started to smell my Mother’s favorite perfume, Paris by Yves St. Laurent.  I wasn’t near the perfume section, as a matter of fact I was on a totally different floor.  I immediately went into complete hound dog mode.  Trying to find the trail of the scent.  I started smelling random women who were near me, I have to admit it was super creepy, but whatever, I smelled my Mama and that’s all that mattered.  The scent was light and airy and just like that, the scent was no longer there.  Look folks, I’m not trying to be spooky, but I believe in my heart of hearts that was God reassuring me that I am NEVER alone.  At that moment, I began to remember when my Mother first brought that perfume and how she purposely mispronounced, “Yves St. Laurent”.  It was a different pronunciation every time…”Eves Saint Lauriel”…”Ye-viss Lauren” we cracked up whenever the lady at the counter would correct her.  That memory and so many more started to flood my mind and I left out the mall laughing.  Outsiders looking in probably thought I was crazy…but, on the inside, I was having a ball thinking about that silly lady.

That was my experience and trust me there will be those times when you want to have a pity party, allow yourself to have that moment…but, don’t stay there.  Because when you look around  that “Pity Party” will turn into “Depression Fest” then into “I Don’t Want To Get Out Of Bed Palooza”.  I been to all three and trust me, it’s not a happening party.

Reflecting on the good times is a choice, so choose wisely.  Think about it for a minute, you have enough memories to fill an entire room…probably a mansion!  What did that person do that made you laugh uncontrollably?  What did this person teach you that still impacts your life today?  What is that “inside joke” that only the two of you share?  All of this and so much more is ready to be unleashed.  Make today the day that you give it permission to do so…

Now, sip on that….
Joi

Celebri-TEA of the WEEK

Hey Tea Spillers!!  Today is Friday and it’s time to recap on some of the Celebri-TEA of the week.  Enough talk, let’s get right into it!

Child, Janet Jackson obviously ain’t got no worries when it comes to money.  She just joined the billionaire club!   According to E! News, the multi-talented performer reportedly earned $458 million from her concert tours; $304 million from her roles in films including, “The Nutty Professor” and “For Colored Girls”; $260 million in album sales; and netted more than $81 million from sponsorship deals.  I was never that good at math, but that shole do sound like a billion dollars to me.  Not only do she have her money, she also has her billionaire husband, Wisam Al Mana, money to play around with too.  No, her first name ain’t baby it’s BILLION-AIRESS if you NASTY!!!

From billions, we come down to well…nothing.  Mary J. Blige, the latest celeb to fall victim to trying to duck and dodge the IRS, has a 3.4 million dollar tax lien.  You know, at this point there should be a separate jail for celebs and their tax drama.  I have plenty of questions, let’s start off with the obvious one first…WHO IS HER ACCOUNTANT??!!!  Mary has been in this business now for like 20 years (if you feel old, you should) and she should know better.  We haven’t heard a statement from Mary, but the streets are talking and it’s not in her favor.

Back to folks not having any money worries.  What does a music box have to do with the power couple, Kimye??!! EVERYTHING!  Recently Kim Kardashian and Kanye West sent out their baby shower invitations.  It definitely wasn’t the pre-made invites from Target or Party City!  The invitations came in the form of a music box, inside the box was a creepy replica of Kim K. as a ballerina.  The music was a slowed down version of one of Kanye’s song…very lullaby-ish.  Because I do worry about money I am adding up everything that it took to not only make the music box, but send it out to folks.  Too much to take in right now, moving on…

“The Beloved Empress of the Universe”, Beyoncé (dude, blame Oprah for that title) leaked her first single earlier this week called, “Grown Woman.”  We heard a snippet of it on the Pepsi commercial that defiantly had me wanting more.  Produced by Timbaland this song is sure to be a banger.  Let’s go back for a minute at the first song she came out with this year called, “Bow Down”.  Many have speculated that she came out with this song because of all the negative things people have said about her persona and the audacity of other singers trying to take her “throne.”  I’m looking around and I’m trying to see who can touch Beyoncé at this time…yeah, I got nothing.  This was just an unnecessary song, with an unnecessary message, to get some unnecessary attention.  I have heard that this song was similar to how rappers brag about being the best and yada yada ya…well, yeah it makes sense for those guys to do that.  Think about it for a minute, folks can’t even decide who was the best between Biggie and Tupac.  In Pop and R&B Beyoncé is clearly leading the way.  Bragging Bey, I can do without…Strong, independent, I am woman here me roar Bey, I can sip on all day long!  Just goes to show you, even  “The beloved Empress of the Universe” is prone to mistakes.  Don’t get it twisted, I still live for her!  Click to hear the song —–> Beyonce’s latest single: GROWN WOMAN

 From “Beloved Empress of the Universe” to “The Help”…Destiny’s Child group member, LeToya Luckett, is all set to join the cast of the hit VH1 scripted show, “Single Ladies”.  If LaToya’s acting on the straight to DVD film, “Preacher’s Kid”, is any indication on how she will be on the show, it will be a perfect compliment to Lisa Raye’s acting range, which is quite vast…mad, madder, and PISSED OFF!!!

 Speaking of Destiny’s Child, Kelly Rowland is making some major moves!  She will join Simon Cowell’s X-Factor show this fall as one of the judges.  It will be interesting to watch her.  Will she be nice, p.c., or brutally honest??!!  Her latest song, “Dirty Laundry” is giving us a taste of just how honest she can be.  We definitely don’t have to guess anymore on how she felt about Beyoncé’s rise to superstardom.  In the song she even talked about an abusive relationship…she cussin’ and err-thang!  Click to hear the song—-> Kelly Rowland’s latest single: DIRTY LAUNDRY  Kudos to Kelly…she is finally free from the restraints of Matthew Knowles and the favoritism machine that resulted in her being nothing more than a background singer.  I love the song…it’s real, it’s raw, and it’s her truth!!  Get it Kelly…Her new album is scheduled to be released on June 18th and it will be called, “Talk A Good Game”.

Candice Glover, the latest American Idol winner, will be releasing her album on July 16th called, “Music Speaks”.  The 23 year old native of St. Helena Island, South Carolina wanted to capitalize on the fact that she has a fan base and they are ready to hear new music.  Awesome move in my book, because she has 10 minutes left on her 15 minutes of fame and if she don’t come out now…we, with our ADD having selves, will forget all about her.  I wish her all the luck in the world…I hope her album doesn’t suck!

Last and certainly the LEAST Ray-J…with his piece of a self!!!  He was on The Wendy Williams Show earlier this week talking about his controversial song, “I Hit it First”…which is a recap of him and Kim Kardashian’s relationship and their infamous sex tape.  He told Wendy that the reason for him putting the song out there is because his latest album is a story…he has to start from the past and then bring us to the present.  I personally think that Wendy was too nice and in no way, shape, or form do I think that Ray-J is sec-see.  Ray-J, no matter what you do…no matter the amount of controversy you try to stir…you will forever be Brandy’s little brother.  Start from the Staples Center in LA then make your way to Madison Square Gardens in New York and have a SEAT, child…

Now, sip on that…

Joi

CLICK IT & SIP IT

That feeling that you get when you have worked, and worked, and worked on something and now that it’s finally out there, you can breathe a sigh of relief….However, the fun has just BEGUN!!!

Thank you all for the birthday wishes on yesterday and being patient for the unveiling of my BIG NEWS!!!  Ok, so let’s get into it…what is this all about?  Well, I’m so glad you asked. . .

“EnJoi the Tea” is a delicious brew of blogs that is centered around everyday topics and pop culture, guaranteed to be entertaining and thought provoking with every sip.  It will feature  unfiltered and unapologetic commentary about life, love, and the pursuit of messiness.

For those of you who took time out to “like” my Facebook page and read this blog…without a shadow of a doubt I know that you like your tea HOT & STEAMY!!  Which is why for now on you will be known as a…..TEA SPILLER!!!!  Before this become official, you must read this oath aloud…please stand and raise your right hand:

I [State your Name] is messy.

Tea served at the perfect temperature fills me with unexplainable joy.

I can stir the pot or sit back, with popcorn or  a snack, and watch drama unfold.

I love Michael Jackson (oh wait you don’t have to repeat that, unless you really do—go to the next line)

I accept my calling in life and I’m ok with that.

This is me.  This is who I am. I am a Tea Spiller.

CONGRATULATIONS, you are now a certified Tea Spiller….LET’S HAVE SOME FUN!!!!  Buckle up, it’s going to be an exciting ride, I promise you will EnJoi it…Ha!!!

Now, sip on that….

Joi